The Time I Went to a Creationist Museum

So… the other day I took my kids to the fair, like I do every year. The first attraction that we encounter upon entry is a “mobile museum”, a trailer fashioned as a mini walk through museum. There was a dinosaur statue out front and a table selling all kinds of sciency shit, so right away my kids were asking to go in. The dude running it says it’s free so we grabbed our headsets for the audio tour and headed in.

So as I’m standing in line with my kids, trying to figure out these circa 2008 iPod looking devices for the audio tour, I look up and see it. A large poster all about the absurdity of evolutionists and the historical significance of Noah’s ark. It was a creationist museum.

I nervously blurted out “I… don’t know if I want to proceed” and my kids about flew off the handle. They wanted to see the cool dinosaur stuff (spoiler alert: it turned out to be a boring display about how dinosaurs and humans coexisted). I didn’t want to cause a scene and additionally, we were already in line AND in a fenced in area (the sons of bitches had us trapped). So onward we went past display after display warning us of the absurdity of evolutionists and how the Big Bang is a lie.

At that point I still hadn’t figured out the audio device thingies (mostly because I was too busy rolling my eyes into another dimension) so I just took the kids’ headphones and told them we didn’t need them. It was an awkward 2.5 minutes as we blatantly ignored the “go at the correct pace” system and squeezed through the confined space past the other victims museum-goers while my children loudly blurted out how boring it was.

The lesson folks, I suppose, is to vet your fairground entertainment lest ye be lured into a creationist propaganda mobile.

Jim Meehan

Dr. Jim Meehan, or as I like to call him: Jack Meehoff, is an ophthalmologist. He’s also a human shaped pile of anti-vax garbage.

I first met Meehan back in July of 2018, when he orchestrated the online assault of a grieving family.

Four-month-old Killan Schultz contracted meningitis, it’s believed, from an unvaccinated child at his pediatrician’s office. Killy was taken to the hospital with a rash and fever and died 24 hours later.

Alex, Killy’s mom, had been told that she likely wouldn’t be able to have children, so the happy baby boy was an unexpected gift to her and fiancee, Gabriel.

Understandably, and in grief, Alex took to Facebook as an outlet for her pain. She didn’t hide her anger with parents who choose to deny their children vaccines.

In a call-out post on Facebook, Meehan blamed the child’s 4-month-old vaccines, or a vaccinated close contact, for shedding the live vaccine virus that infected and killed baby Killy. He issued a subtle call to action that was later removed, but can still be seen in the edit history of his public post. A post that remains on Meehan’s Facebook page, “No ludicrous, unevidenced, false narratives that defy standard medical diagnostics should be tolerated.” Meehan’s Unvaccinated Bogeyman

Most readers can guess what happened next, but to be sure- Alex’s post (on her personal Facebook page) was overrun by anti-vaxers. They accused her of poisoning her son. Some went so far as to call her a murderer. Friends and family members who fiercely defended the heartbroken mom became targets for abuse too. It was nothing short of cruel.

Dr. E


Ocular Immunology and Inflammation claim


PB-80 and the BBB

Ah, PB-80 penetrating the BBB. Who’s heard this one before?

Did you know that PB-80 is used as an ingredient in ice cream? Yup, that’s why ice cream can cause brain freeze. Polysorbate-80 sends signals to the brain telling the semi-permeable membrane, known as the Blood Brain Barrier, to relax a little, and let the ice cream cross over. When you eat ice cream too fast, and too much ice cream makes it to the brain, it freezes!

Unbelievable, right? That’s because I made it up. It’s about as true as the claim that the PB-80 in vaccines causes the BBB to loosen up and allow the meniscal amounts of aluminum salts, used as an adjuvant in some vaccines, through.

The truth is: the amount of PB-80 used in a vaccine (and ice cream), is no where near enough to affect the BBB. The MMR vaccine, for example, would require at least 3,000 times more PB-80 to get the BBB to chillax.

If you care to learn more, follow the link for an easy to read explanation from someone much smarter than AltPan.

Postcards from Pro-vaxers

Hey there, scared little anti-vaxer. You were sent this postcard because you have attempted to use a well known, thoroughly refuted, anti-vax argument or one of the many logical fallacies you all are so fond of. Rather than repeat the same corrections over and over again, Alternative Dr. Pan offers a list of these tropes and a brief explanation as to why they’re wrong.

The Brady Bunch Fallacy

Ah, the old, Appeal to Classic TV, bit. Sorry to be the one to tell you, but The Bradys, they weren’t real. And as you can see, Maureen McCormick, the lady who played Marcia Brady, wants you to vaccinate your baby.

Anti- vaccination Leader Hospitalized Following Voluntary Vaccination

Larry Cook, the anti-vax cult commander in chief of Stop Mandatory Vaccination, was hospitalized this morning, after receiving a vaccine recommended for an upcoming trip.

Cook has planned a lavish vacation this summer in Panama. A vacation likely paid for by a lucrative career in Go Fund Me collection. This area of Latin American only requires a yellow fever vaccine when traveling in from certain countries, but CDC still recommends the vaccine for US tourists.

A source close to Cook tells us that a couple of hours after receiving the YF-Vax, at a local Walgreens, he began to experience some frightening symptoms. Cook reportedly asked an unidentified individual to transport him to the hospital for a list of symptoms including: chills, shortness of breath, dizziness, and chest pain.

“A panic attack! The asshole is having a panic attack. I think he’s actually bought into his own bullshit at this point,” our source said.





April Fools!

Dissecting Antivax Propaganda

In a world where information is so readily available, we often wonder why anti-vaccine misinformation is so prevalent. Much of the reason for this is simply the fact that information is so readily available, even to people who severely misunderstand it. Or in some cases people who will deliberately misrepresent it to their audience.

Another contributing factor is our tendency to take things at face value. If a meme states something as fact and includes a cited source, many people will share that meme without looking any further into the claim.

Here, we’ll examine just one example of why it’s so very important to always go back to the original source and read it carefully.

This meme was found in several anti-vaccine groups. Let’s take a look at the claims it’s making and compare them to the study referenced on the meme.

A study concluded that 79.4% of all children who died from “SIDS” received a vaccine earlier that same day.

There are a few issues with this statement.

The first thing to take note of is that the study looked at deaths reported to VAERS from July 1, 1997 to December 31, 2013. VAERS is simply a reporting system for adverse events that take place after vaccination. The fact that a death was reported to VAERS does not inherently mean that it was caused by vaccines, only that it took place after vaccination.

Additionally, this study looked at all child deaths reported, not only SIDS as the meme suggests. In fact it looked at deaths attributed to SIDS, asphyxia, septicemia and pneumonia. Also worth noting is the fact that the study only looked at deaths reported to VAERS, not all child deaths or even all SIDS cases that occurred during that time period.

To summarize, the 79.4% figure given in the meme in reality is not 79.4% of all SIDS deaths but is 79.4% of all child deaths reported to VAERS.

In regards to the 79.4% figure, the meme indicates that is the percentage of SIDS deaths (incorrect as we’ve already established) where the child was given a vaccine earlier that same day. The meme creator took some liberties with that claim, as you can see that the study made no mention of vaccinations being given “earlier that day.” In fact, what it states is that 79.4% were given more than one vaccine at the same time, which is not at all unusual. It also goes on to explain that “no concerning pattern was noted.” Surely if the claim made by the meme were accurate it would not only be concerning but would almost certainly be noticed by much of the public.

Clearly, the meme misrepresents the study it references. Unfortunately, many people will never look any further into it. Don’t be one of those people, and please share this with anyone you may know who has reservations about vaccines based on anti-vaccine propaganda that feeds on fear.

All Natural, Organic Measles Fighting Formula

You will need:
2lbs madder roots, grown for five or more years
(Available at our online nursery, while supplies last)
A large stock pot
A pot clip, glass, organic-liquid-filled thermometer
(Visit our online store, and use code “chaching” to save $1 off your purchase of 8 or more.)
An all natural calcium carbonate mineral tablet
(Available on our online Supplement Shoppe)
Organic cotton swabs

Place madder roots in pot and cover with cold water. Heat the water to 90°F (33°C) Hold at this temperature for 30 minutes. Gradually increase temp to 180°F (80°C) Hold at this temperature for another 30 minutes. Avoid boiling. Remove roots and set aside for composting. Add one all natural calcium carbonate mineral tablet and continue holding temp until the tablet is dissolved. Remove from heat and cool. Once the mixture has cooled, dip the tip of an organic cotton swab into your mixture an generously dab child’s skin from head to toe for all natural measles protection. Reapply as needed until your local outbreak is contained.

How it works:
The madder root creates an all natural red dye, and the all natural calcium carbonate mineral tablet (brand name: TUMS) transforms it into the true, measles- rash red you’re looking for. Application with organic cotton swabs stains the skin in blotchy, somewhat circular, flat, spotted pattern that’s almost indistinguishable from the actual, harmless, rash caused by the measles virus. Thus tricking the virus into believing that your child already has the measles, providing safe, lasting protection from infection.